Perfection

Negative Self-Talk

My brain is wired to believe that there is something more perfect that I should be but am not. I am not as productive as I would like to be. I am not as thin as I would like to be, or as vegan, or as youthful, confident, active, disciplined, … and the list goes on and on. Do you ever feel this way? Is that negative self-talk something that we all sometimes give power to? There are times that I wish that I could see myself through the eyes of others. It seems when I get a glimpse from an alternative perspective, it is quite better than my own. 

In my youth, I was attached, or a better word is – committed, to the idea of being perfect. I can see the struggle in my daughter as she develops her self-image and finds her place in the world. Age has taught me a lot about the meaning of perfection. And I am not sure that it exists. There is wonder that lives amidst all the chaos and the messiness of everyday life. And, beauty and joy, but not perfection. I know that trying new things very often rises to the level of camera worthy embarrassment – the exact opposite of what my brain would define as perfection. But I also know that although my life is full of mistakes, those moments that are flawed or imperfect represent – at times – the beginning of greatness.

The New

The reflection on this word – this whole concept – is happening because I am wading into my new life. I am striving for greatness and success, but I no longer have the established routine and reputation that camouflage any shortcomings. I am putting myself out there as a mom trying to save the world for her daughter. And everything about what I must do and who I must do it with is brand new. I have total awareness about how much I need to learn and how late I am to the game. Every part of my day now involves trying something new, reading about something new, or struggling to figure out how something works. Do you ever have those kinds of days, weeks, months? Argh!

Wouldn’t it be fun if we could all nail it the first time?! I know I am always better the second or third time around. Also, I tend not to be a hand raiser, go first kind of gal. I am happy to have someone else show me the way. So, what the heck am I doing now?! Does anyone like being a rookie? That feeling of doubt and uncertainty! I am constantly wondering if I can successfully achieve my goal, trying to keep my focus forward but looking back at the security in the past.

The Unexpected

One of the challenges that always exists on a new journey is the unexpected. That thing that you just did not have on your radar. The thing you didn’t know that you needed to know. The last time I remember feeling this way was after the birth of my daughter. When I was pregnant, I read every book that I could get my hands on, but remarkably or maybe expectedly there were still surprises.

Those surprises are everywhere! There is no amount of planning or preparation that can eliminate them. Certainly, preparation can mitigate clumsiness, but it does not usually produce gracefulness and surely not perfection. And it is not supposed to. If we were perfect, I am guessing that we would try less hard? As painful as all of this is, it does push us to be better. Still I am not enthusiastic about all the new, all that challenges, all that I do not know.  

The Absolutely Necessary

I share these thoughts as I work through the self-doubt and scary new career path that I have chosen. My belief in the state of the climate crisis drives me urgently forward. There is just not another option! I do expect to mess up, to be surprised, to fall and to fail, and to be ungraceful and totally imperfect!

I wish I had started my climate journey thirty years ago. I wish I were an expert! Time I cannot turn back, so here I stand today with no better day to start, as a newbie, feeling vulnerable, but absolutely committed to doing my part to save the planet for future generations.

I am hoping that if you have read this far, you might be willing to join me in the effort to lower carbon emissions and improve the future health of our planet. This project needs all of us powered together, working through the mess, self-doubt, and inexperience like never before if we are going to get it done. I look forward to being totally flawed on our journey together towards greatness! Thanks for being here!